Trying to figure the week out

Well its gone all the way to 9 O'clock befre Ive sat down to thrash out this blog. Rgather than go into anly long discoures I'll statrt wiith wath hasn't happened. I'm still not on the road, The wife is still not back in work. I still havent got back to training.

Walking

So what has happened. Each day has pretty much focused on the minimum running round mostly by bus. Where possible I've preffered to walk, however the wife has objected when I've expected the youngest to walk the two home form her school, even though when we take the bas we still have a ten minute walk home. Yesterday I walked the 4 miles with the eldest to the local town of Mold, aftr stopping by certain shops and having lunch at Subway. She was none too happy that I then expected her to walk the 4 miles back home with me, I'm afraid the walk was mostly in silence, as I accused her of being a wimp, which put her in hell of a mood. The wife thaught I was being a bit tough on her as well.

When I was growing up my dad could'nt walk far, being an overweight smooker and who took no exercise didn't help him much, while my mum spent all day on her feet, but hated walkeing anywhere, I on the other walked all over north London. So sorry but I dont have much truck with such lazyness.

On the work front

I realy wish I could say its been an outstanding but it hasn't just more of the same shilt, in parrel with my home life thing are just dragging on with liitle real end in sight. I reworked my project plans only to work out that things woeuld be dragging out to September. I just hope that home life does not follow the same path. Right now I feel like a ship trapped in the doldrums, waiting for the wind to pick up.

Affirs of the heart

For the most part Ive had to keep my heart pretty much under wraps, having deep feelings seems best avoided right now, as the chance to express deep feeling and have those feeling reciprocted is not where it should be.

Fiddling

On the model front I've made good progress on the Fairey Gannet and have been able to spend at very least on hour a day. Today I gid some weeding and claering in the garden, recently weve enjoying the fruits of our garden with raddishes herbs and spinnach appearing in a number of dishes. Last night it was garden herb stuffed sardines.

Sorry but beyond that not much else has happening.

To all my Friends acrsss nation ocean and ether take care have a good safe week.

Chancer

Good Grief Is This A Blog I See Before Me.

OK, I know it has been way too long since I last blogged and in many ways I realised that I've let go possibly one of the best aspects of internet life. A factor is in this is the distinct feeling that Yahoo has endeavoured to push 360 even further into the background. The latest updated of the Yahoo home page has removed any reference to the 360 even in the links list. The only way there seem no to be through Yahoo messenger eve that is non to clear or direct. I've tried My Space but have found that to be shallow and just a friend collection club with little feeling. Other sites are just about surfing for pictures with no real sense of community, Multiply may be worth a revisit.

Buses Buses and more bloody Buses

Another factor has been that right now life has become one pissed off continuum, still no car, wife still off work. That just about sums up the home life. Each day seem planned around the local bus time tables. As I'm sent off on some ore other dutiful errand like taking the youngest to her trampolining class, twice Ive got there to discover its been cancelled, this and £4.50 in bus fair pissed away. When the class did take place last week we managed to get on the wrong bus back and wound up 10 miles further away than we intended and with two and half hours extra travelling around. When I collect the youngest from school the wife gets pissed off if I expect the kid the walk 2 miles home so that's another bus. Yesterday just getting the eldest from school after her 4 day school trip to Cardiff, required a bust trip with wife to the youngest's school, because the wife feels she cant come with much more than a mile, then a bus to Mold to the eldest kids school before all four of us came back on yet another bus after a large MuckDonalds, and getteing well and truly soaked in the process.

On the car front rather than blowing my savings on a second hand car I've been holding out to benefit from the £2000 pond scrappge being offered even if my old car is knackered, I'm also in the process of sorting out some funds. All of this is just bloody dragging on and on or so it seems. I keep saying maybe next week, maybe next week.

Getting High and Feeling Low

So what have I been up to when I should have been writing blogs, well if family oponion is anything to go by, I've been getting high on slovent and paint fumes in my office, churning out a staedy strem of wargames figures and model aircraft. Even today I had to extract my self from my current project to swivel my chair to tap away condensing life to observations in paragraphs. This office has even more that ever become a real retreat some where I escape to after the working day and hide in during the damp weekends.

Wars On the Home Front

Things have not improved much if at all between the wife and my eldest each seem determined to wind up the other, tempers flair continually, voices are raised and doors slam like an intermittent barrage in a Balkan town. I suppose I should be there on the front line, but if I was I think I'd lose it totally, so its best to stay in this bunker.

Work Front

I wish I could say things were sailing along there, but even there each time I turn round my main project schedule seems to be extended by some or other unexpected problem. Close and final realisation feel as if they are at my finger tips but not quite there, every day, not quite there, another complication, another misunderstanding. Then at the end of the day a lift from a colleague, then on the bus again. Finally the wife has an appointment with her occupational health department on Thursday, hopefully this should see her return to being useful and productive.

Training and Courses

Well I can't remember when I last trained, on a Monday night, but I try to compensate by walking the 4 miles back from Welsh class on Tuesday evenings. Last Tuesday night I just wanted to keep walking, till I couldn't walk any more, but duty or it is sense prevailed and there was no night time trek into the hills.

Issues of the Heart

I think with the way things have been going I need to get a few things straight. I miss Fran I miss our time together and the peace I found in her arms, I miss her every day and yes it hurts like hell being so far and feeling so trapped. But I am where I am, I know I can never be as open and passionate with my missus I was with Fran. I wish Fran all the best in finding some one who can love her and hold her more than just a few times a year.

Sorry for being such a stranger.

To all my friends across nation ocean and ether, keep a tight hold of the one you love, take care and have a safe, sane week.

Chancer

On the Road To No Where

I'll begin this blog with the reason for not blogging last week, put simply events had left me so utterly knackered and wrung out that sleep had become the most blessed of release. So rather than tapping away at my keyboard I was under blanket on a sofa.

The Roll No More,

On Saturday of last week while bringing my eldest back from her 2 weeks with my mum in London, my car dumped its water through a core plug and blew its head gasket. This I fear was its last gasp, unfortunately it was just north of the first services on the north bound M1. It took us 12 hours and 3 AA tows to get home. Rather than getting it repaired, as it well beyond being economical, I'm now in the process of sorting out funds and holding on till I can get £2000 scrappage against a new Astra, unfortunately I'll be off the road and on the busses and foot till mid May.

Work Front

In the midst of all this the past 2 weeks have been utterly bonkers at work, process trails have dominated things, while too much time has been taken up with trying to avoid an apopletic systems calibration manager. Thankfully make extensive on copious note taking, of all meetings, discussions and even brainstorming sessions (well that's what I call staring out into space with a worried frown). plus the compilation of daily task lists, without which I would get totally lost.

Back On The Boil

Last Thursday we finally had our new boiler fitted, so our heating is back. Much to the wife's relief.

The rest of the time my main retreat has been the F104 Starfighter on my modelling table. I finished off reading A Snow Ball In Hell, I think It will be back to history for a while.

I know its a short blog but my supper and sleep await.

To all my friends across nation, ocean and ether. Take care and have a safe week.

Chancer

Still Here, Just About

I know its been about 3 weeks since I last blogged or even went to 360. The reason for the absence has been a combination of factors but the main one that apart for Sunday the 6^th when I wasn't here I've genuinely been too bloomin knackered by the time I sit down on a Sunday to blog.

The past few weeks I've tried to use my time as effectively as possible and have focused my weekends as much as possible. In particular with the good weather, I've thrown my self into gardening and house work. Though to be honest the gardening has taken taken up the bulk of the time while the house work back log has continued to grow. Most Saturdays and Sundays I've not sat down till around 7, then its been to heat up a pizza before a damn long bath. In the past couple of weeks I've cleared a large portion of the garden including a 3m by 5 m thicket. Weeded 2 large plant beds, built and filled 2 raised wood framed vegetable beds 1m x 1m x 0.3m each. Plus plenty of general clearing and tiding up the garden. I forget how many trips I've made to the council dump and aim t make darned sight more on Monday 13^th (sort of today).

One of the key motivators in all of this, is that with all the other buggering around with home and work, the garden has been a respite. There is no bullshit to contend with so I can throw my self into the work and kind of work out the crap.

On the health Front my wife is no better she's still off sick and not much bloody use in or out of the house. The results of the biopsy she had a month ago have still not come through, so we still don't know what the problem is. Though she complains the the left side is still numb, she's none too persistent about calling the docs to chase up the results. Yesterday and today while gardening I've also had to keep up with the laundry, thankfully as I always wear gloves for gardening Its just a case of taking them off to get the next load out. For the most part the wife remains crashed out or mopes around the house. Even more so while I'm at work.

On Saturday I woke up, though it still feels like yesterday, to the sound of the wife complaining that I wouldn't be doing much with my youngest and her because, I only cared about my eldest kid. She then apologised by saying she was only letting off steam. I'm sorry but when you feel that every bloody thing is on your shoulders, you can't get it right. But the what the hell what ever I do I know it wont be enough.

The boiler is still knackered though we do have a date scheduled for getting the new one fitted , plus some additional work. All told this is going to set us back 3 grand. So no holiday this year, and I really have to keep my car going. So when the garden is sorted, I'll have my head under the bonnet, first on the list is fitting a new radiator, as the old girl is still running hot. But in all fairness she has done a good few miles.

Particularly last weekend when I was in Sheffield on Saturday for War Games show, then drove to London on Sunday to take my eldest kid to spend the Easter break with my mum, I had a day off on Monday and used the time to visit Hendon Aircraft Museum, and visit places I one knew but are changing fast around North West London. I had stayed down so that on Tuesday I was get more time for a business visit to a supplier in Romford (Essex). To avoid having to get my ear bent by my mum again over my home life, I headed straight back up but didn't get to North Wales till around 10pm. So a bit of a rough day.

The rest or the week was pretty steady at work, but sometimes my motivation has flagged a bit. I so bloody need to keep hitting my key bases but some things keep slipping by. So may people to contact, data and reports to collate and write. All wrapped up in so bloody much politics manoeuvring and fighting for funds that its gone beyond a damn game.

In the gaps in between I've been slowly working on the UH1H Twin Huey sat on my modelling desk hopefully Ill have it finished this week. That would have been the first helicopter I've built in about 26 years. When Its done Ill get on with painting up a Dread Lord (general) riding a cold one (raptor) for my Dark Elve army. Also on the book front I've been chomping my way through another Christopher Brookmeyer novel ( A Snow Ball In Hell). That's the first Novel I've read this year, most of my reading time has been focused on military history and aviation. I've not been playing much at war games club as around this time of year there's lot of admin to sort out especially on club finances and membership renewals.

Thing is when I get home getting motivated to get on with cooking and house work has not been easy. I find my self just wanting to retreat to my office at home If only to do some model making or even paper work and sorting. Then I feel guilty that my time management is crap.

Make of this blog what you will. I'm sorry for being a stranger of late, its not been intentional.

To all my friends across nation, ocean and ether, please take good care of your selves.

Chancer