HI,IM GOING TO BLOG TODAY THE LETTER TAM WAS ASKED TO WRITE ,THE LETTER WAS TOO READ OUT TO THE COURT,ALSO THE JUDGE TO READ PRIOR TO SENTENCING MY DAD,AND MY DAD IN FULL CONTEXT PRIOR TO ENTERING THE COURT SENTENCING ROOM!

THE FAMILY LIASON OFFICERS ASKED HER TO TRY AS BEST AS SHE COULD TO WRITE THIS,I DONT KNOW HOW SHE MANAGED IT,SHE DID IT IN PRIVATE ON HER OWN,I NEVER HAVE READ IT TILL NOW,COULDNT TILL NOW,SO I WILL NOW SHARE IT,WITH MY TAMS CONSENT I WOULD LIKE TO ADD!!

SINCE I FIRST SPOKE OF THE ABUSE,I HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING !,I WAS EXTREMLEY DEPRESSED,AND MENTALLY TORTURED,DISTURBED.

I WAS FRIGHTENED OF WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT!!

I WAS WORRIED REALLY BAD ABOUT MY FAMILY,AND HOW THEY WOULD REACT TO IT!

ALSO THE IMPACT IT WOULD HAVE ON THEM.

I COULD NOT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO BEGIN WITH.

I WAS VERY CONCERNED,ALWAYS CONCENTRATING ,WORRIED ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO GRANDDAD.

I WAS TOLD THIS IS NORMAL.

NOT EVEN THOUGH HE HAD MADE MY LIFE DIFFICULT,WITH WHAT HE HAD BEEN DOING TO ME,I WAS STILL WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT HIS HEALTH.

I SOON REALIZED THIS WAS DOWN TO THE FACT THAT I HAD SPENT SO MUCH TIME WITH HIM,CARING FOR HIM,AND GOING OUT AND ABOUT WITH HIM SO MUCH!!

AFTER I HAD DISCLOSED THE ABUSE I STARTED TO FEEL SUICIDAL AGAIN!

BECAUSE MY GRANDDADS SIDE OF THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS THOUGHT I WAS LYING!

SO I COULD GET ATTENTION AND SOME EVEN PUT IT DOWN TO MY TUMOR,AND DOWN TO HOW MANY OPERATIONS I HAD RECENTLY HAD,WHICH OBVIOUSLY MADE ME FEEL VERY UPSET AND LOST.

ALSO WITH ME MISSING A WHOLE YEAR OFF SCHOOL,AS I HAD BEEN IN AND OUT HOSPITAL ALL OFF THE LAST 16MTHS I HAD LOST CONTACT WITH SCHOOL FRIENDS MAKING IT HARD FOR METO TELL SOME ONE WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND,AND WHO I COULD TRUST.

I OFTEN FELT SICK AND AWFUL FOR WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND WHY I LEFT IT SO LONG BEFORE I TOLD SOME ONE ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING!

HOWEVER THIS WAS VERY DIFFICULT AS I SPENT MANY WEEKS AWAY WITH MY GRANDDAD AND MY YOUNGER SISTER,SONEVER FOUND THE RIGHT TIME TO SAY THIS.

OCT2006-OCT2007,OVER THAT YRI HAD TO HAVE A SHUNT REPLACEMENT EVERY MONTH DUE TO THE FACT THAT IT KEPT BLOCKING UP NOW I KNOW WHY!

IT WAS THE EFFECT OF THE HEAVY DRINKING OF ALCOHOL HAD ON MY ILLNESS.I ALWAYS DRANK SPIRITS,AND STONG CIDERS WHEN IN HIS COMPANY,HE MADE ME.EVERY NIGHT I HAD BEEN DRINKING HEAVY WITH MY GRANDDAD I WOKE UP WITH SEVERE HEADACHES,THINKING IT WAS NOTHING BUT TIME AFTER TIME MY SHUNT KEPT FAILING.

HOWEVER SINCE I DISCLOSED THE ABUSE IN OCTOBER 07 I HAVE HAD NO PROBLEMS SHUNTS HOWEVER AS EACH DAY GOES BY I WONDER HOW I WILL COPE AND GET BY, KNOWING THAT MY GRANDAD IS BEING PUNISHED FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE OVER THE LAST 5 YEARS.

SINCE I HAVE STOPPED DRINKING MY HEALTH AND SHUNTS HAVE BEEN BRILLIANT AND LASTED AN AMZAZING 6 MONTHS AND MY EDUCATION IS FANTASTIC. I STILL THINK AN WONDER WHERE AND HOW I WOULD BE NOW HEALTH WISE IF I HAD NOT SAID ANYTHING BUT SINCE LAST SHUNT IN 2007 I HAVE HAD ONE MINOR HEADACHE. BUT SINCE I HAVE DISCLOSED IT I HAVE FELT REALLY GOOD IN MYSELF AND I FEEL LIKE IM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE NOW.

MY SELF ESTEEM IS MUCH HIGHER NOW AS WHEN I WAS IN MY GRANDDADS COMPANY HE ALWAYS CALLED ME ABOUT MY WEIGHT, AND IF I GAINED WEIGHT HE WOULD NOT LIKE ME ANYMORE.

BUT CONCLUDING THIS STATEMENT I WOULD JUST LIKE TO ASK MY GRANDAD ONE QUESTION.WHY?

OVERALL THIS VASE HAS NOT ONLY CAUSE ME TO BE DEPRESSED BUT MY MUM,DAD AND THE REST OF MY CLOSE FAMILY ARE EMOTIONALLY DISTRESSED. MY DAD HAS HAD HUGE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS SINCE HE HAS HAD LOADS OF TIME OFF WORK TO SUPPORT ME AND MY FAMILY. HOWEVER NOW THAT I KNOW THAT MY GRANDAD HAS ADMITTED TO MOST CHARGES IT FEELS AS IF I CAN NOW MOVE ON, BE A TEENAGER AND LIVE A NORMAL HAPPY LIFE. AS MY GRANDAD HAS EFFECTED ME MENTALLY AND THAT'S WHY I TRIED TO GET SUPPORT OR COUNSELLING SOONER. BUT WAS NOT ALLOWED BUT NOW AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME I AM RECIEVING COUNSELLING SESSIONS OFF MY G.P AND I HOPE THIS IMPROVES MY STATE OF MIND. AS ALL MY FAMILY INCLUDING MYSELF HAVE FELT SUICIDAL AND CLOSE TO ENDING IT ALL. I HOPE THAT NO ONE EVER EXPERIENCES WHAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH AND I KNOW NOW I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING SOONER.

WELLL THATS THE LETTER SHE WROTE,IVE JUST ACTUALLY ABSORBED THE WORDS AND CANT BELEIVE WHERE SHE FOUND THE STRENGTH TO NOT ONLY GO THROUGH THE ORDEALS SHE HAS,BUT THEN BE ABLE TO WRITE THIS SO EMOTIONAL LETTER,BACK SOON,HUGS MANDY X